End of Evangelion: Darkness
by PompeyMagnus
Summary: This is my shot at a Third Impact fic…I'm going to make it alot darker...AsukaShinji romance. NOW COMPLETE! Final Chapter Up!
1. Descent into Darkness

Hey you bastar-I mean, comrades...What's going on!? This is my shot at a Third Impact fic...I know there are SOOOO many, and you're probably groaning and saying, "Not another Third Impact fic, that Evincar is so lame, I'm going back to perusing my soft core gay porn". But don't leave! Eehehhe...

For this Third Impact fic, I've decided to start around the middle of EoE, so don't get too confused, this will just start with Shinji already enveloped in the madness that is Third Impact...

Also, I'm going to possibly utilize on of the Alternate Endings to End of Evangelion (Anno had two alternate endings in the script that he never used)...The Severed Hand ending, to be precise...BWAHAHAAH! Those who know what I'm talking about are probably cringing right now, and for good reason....Ehehehe...But I might not use it all the way, we'll see, just stick with me...Ehehehe....

And by the way, don't worry, I'm DEFINITELY not abandoning NGE: Madness...That fic is my main priority, I just began this because I was bored writing the angel battle for Chapter Nine of Madness (Which will be uploaded soon, I guarantee...Ehehhehe)

Well, let's start the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL?!

* * *

"_Can I dream alone?"_

"_That would not be a dream. It would just be a projection of reality."_

"_Then... where is my dream?"_

"_That is the extension of reality."_

"_My... where is my reality?"_

"_That is at the end of the dream."_

Shinji Ikari woke up with a start, sweat dripping off his brow, to find himself laying in the hospital bed, his entire body aching.

He stared at the ceiling, muttering under his breath.

"This unfamiliar ceiling again...perhaps I have grown accustomed to it?

He turned to see a familiar blue-haired girl standing to the side of his bed, her red eyes flashing with unreadable emotions.

"Where am I?"

"_Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, please move! If it doesn't move now, if I don't do it now, everyone's going to die! I can't stand it anymore! It'll all be for nothing if you don't move!"_

"Eva Unit 01? No, I'm not there..."

Rei turned to Shinji, her crimson eyes glistening.

"This is the sea of LCL... The primordial soup of life. A world without AT Fields... Without your own shape. An ambiguous world where it is impossible to tell where you end and other people start. A fragile world where you exist everywhere, and thus exist nowhere. You must recover you lost self on your own. When you'll be back on Earth, if you succeed to imagine yourself, everybody will be able to recover"

"Back on Earth?!"

"Yes, you must go back on Earth..."

"Why?!"

Asuka appeared beside Shinji's bed, startling him with her voice, a voice he had grown to love and at times abhor.

"If you don't try to imagine any evolution yourself, nothing will ever change. It is the hearts of people that create their appearance. "

Misato Katsuragi appeared at the foot of the bed, still as she had been before the SEELE invasion, her soft voice piercing into Shinji's very essence.

"And new images will change peoples' hearts and appearances. The power of humans is the power of imagination."

A new commanding voice rose over the others, Shinji craned his head to see a tall man with a cold stare and glistening glasses.

"Father..."

"Shinji, all living things have the ability to return to their original form."

Beside him was a woman with soft brown hair that resembled Rei. Shinji knew very well who she was.

"Mother..."

"As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right."

Then there was a flash of light, Shinji let out a shriek, clutching his head.

* * *

"What is wrong, Shinji?"

The Third Child raised his head and locked eyes with the warm red eyes of a familiar gray-haired boy.

Shinji stared at Rei and Kawuro as they floated in front of him, images of Tokyo 3 flashing behind them.

A slight smile danced across Rei's face.

"Only Angels can break the walls of an Angel heart."

"And only humans can break the walls of a human heart", said Kawuro

"This is a possibility.", Rei said in her soft voice.

"The possibility that people can understand each other, sometimes.", spoke Kawuro

"_Don't try to think we can understand each other. For some reason people think that they can do that. Remember that they can't. Never completely. Never enough."_

_Gendo Ikari looked his son in the eye, showing almost no emotion._

"_People are such sad creatures..."_

Rei stared at Shinji, her soft voice interrupting his memory.

"The possibility that they can understand each other without relying on words."

Shinji clutched his head once more, staring at them with wild eyes.

"But that's just make-believe! A wish! A prayer! I can't continue like that forever. Finally, one day, I will be betrayed. They...will...will leave me..."

"But that instant is sincere."

Shinji let out a shriek as he saw limbs protrude from Rei's soft white skin, a leg forming out of her back, an arm here, a face there, she seemed to be seething with humanity, or at least human forms. Rei smiled, speaking even as an arm protruded from her left cheek.

"Do you want to be, even if it may hurt somebody?"

"I'll get hurt too...But...But, I can't do a thing if all I do is fear...I can't live..."

"You protect yourself by hurting others, don't you?"

_Misato stared into his eyes as he shivered, tears running down his face._

"_You hate yourself, right? That's why you can hurt other people, because you know hurting people is more painful than hurting yourself."_

"Maybe. But I'll hurt them in order to be myself. And I'll apologize as well...For being alive...But I find it harder to hurt others...I'm just realizing this again. And I'll keep doing this over and over."

* * *

Shinji's eyes bulged out and he let out a scream of rage as the Lance of Longinus cracked in the grasp of Evangelion Unit 01.

He stared at the two Reis in front of him, and he felt tears running down his face.

He gazed at the Rei to his left, and she spoke.

"Why are you crying?"  
"Because you're alive, Ayanami. Because you're here and you're safe."  
"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do at times like this."

The second Rei turned to the speaking one and an odd look danced across its countenance as it spoke.

"You should smile..."

Shinji grimaced as the Rei's spoke, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"I just felt like I finally understood. I can't. I and the others aren't the same. I'm nothing but one. Even why I pilot Eva, even when I don't, I'm nothing but I. That's all."

The Rei-Faced Evangelions began to petrify, above, as they removed their Lances. Their pieces turned a dark black and they began to disintegrate.

Shinji grit his teeth, pulling on the manual lever to eject his entry plug.

* * *

_Kouzou Fuyutsuki__ stood beneath the shade of the lone tree, gazing with a mixture of empathy and sadness at Yui Ikari as she nursed a babe to her bare breast._

"_Humans copy the appearance of God to create the Evangelion. Is this the real goal?"_

"_Yes, professor. Humans can only live mortally on this planet. But, EVA can live forever with the human soul that lives within its body. Even after 500 billion years have past, the earth, moon, and even the sun have disappeared, it will still exist as long as one person is alive. Although it will be very lonely, as long as that person still lives..."_

"_That will be the sign that humans existed, and they will be preserved forever..."_

Evangelion Unit 01 drifted off into outer space, cold and dark, without a soul, without a pilot.

Yui Ikari's hand brushed off her son's face as he floated farther and farther from her touch.

"You'll be okay now, my Shinji..."

"Yes...Goodbye...Mother"

The cold metal entry plug splashed into the ocean of red, bringing up a tumult of crimson waves in its wake.

* * *

Great pale white limbs rained upon the earth, as millions of red orbs were strewn onto the planet.

"_As somewhere that is unknown to reality, a dream is within reality." _

_"And reality is in your heart." _

_"Because it is the human heart that creates your appearance". _

_"And new thoughts will change peoples' hearts. Imagination... the power of creation. Open your own future, create it." "_

_Then humans can complement themselves." _

_"So you have to use your own strength to get your lost self back. Even if you lose your own language, you have to import other peoples' languages. As long as your heart can imagine your own shape, everyone can return to the human form. "_

* * *

Shinji Ikari lay on the cold beach sand as crimson waves lapped up and down close by. He craned his head, and the giant head of Rei seemed to stare back at him, blaming him for everything.

The Third Child smiled as he stared up at the sky, an odd grin dancing across his face.

There was white hand in his right hand and squeezed it for strength, speaking aloud.

"I'll never see them again..."

The world seemed silent except for his voice.

"It's better to think of it this way..."

He squeezed her hand again, smiling grimly.

"I'm still alive, so I'll keep on living..."

He cocked his head over to his left side, and in the distance he could see the glimmering specter of the First Child hovering over the water, exactly as she had been when he had first met her.

"There's nothing left for me...is there, Ayanami? I failed..."

Rei simply floated over the water for a few more seconds and blinked out of existence.

Shinji sighed and turned his head to the right side where he held a disembodied white hand.

"I'll live, I'll continue on..."

* * *

That was a REALLY short chapter...I know...I usually write 10-page chapters, but this was like only four pages long...Ehehhee...

But I felt I just HAD to cut it there, it seemed appropriate to cut it there before I went too far...

Next chapter, things will happen, you can be sure of that. Eehehhe....

Please friggin' review!


	2. Descent into Madness

Chapter One was really weird, short, and well...weird...Hopefully Chapter Two will be better...as we descend into...Madness.

And by the way, review this, you bastards! Why is it I've seen awful, AWFUL fics with like 3 chapters and 200 reviews, and I write 10 chapters for NGE: Madness and get like only seven reviews?!

Grrrrr!

And I'm not saying Madness is great...it's just kind of not a piece of crap like Fate of Destruction...

But I digress. 

Let's start the show!

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL?!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari rose from his position next to the large wooden dinner table, staring out the glass partition of the patio. Behind him three places had been set with food, napkins, and utensils.

He knew they would never come back, they had left him forever, abandoned him. He had failed.

He stared up into the shimmering sky, staring at the red ring in the sky with a sad smile.

They had all abandoned him, even Asuka. He still remembered waking up next to the beautiful girl on the cold beach sand, holding her hand and softly speaking to her.

_The Third Child smiled as he stared up at the sky, an odd grin dancing across his face. _

_There was white hand in his right hand and squeezed it for strength, speaking aloud._

"_I'll never see them again..."_

_The world seemed silent except for his voice._

"_It's better to think of it this way..."_

_He squeezed her hand again, smiling grimly._

"_I'm still alive, so I'll keep on living..."_

_He cocked his head over to his left side, and in the distance he could see the glimmering specter of the First Child hovering over the water, exactly as she had been when he had first met her._

But when he had awoken, the cold hand that he had clutched had disappeared, taking along with it, Asuka. She had probably awoken to him, clutching his hand, and then recoiling in disgust. He realized she had always despised him. There was no doubt of that.

"_Hey Shinji, wanna kiss?"_

"No...It was all a game to you..."

"_I hate you! I hate everyone!"_

Shinji smiled sadly.

"There was never any hope for us...for me, for anything...Nobody ever cared for me..."

He had come here shortly after Asuka had abandoned him; thinking maybe she would return here...He had been foolish to think even Third Impact had changed her.

Shinji walked out into the patio, staring down on the empty streets. They were completely empty, no sign of any life, cars and debris precariously strewn all around. Shirts, pants, dresses, skirts, all empty shells where human flesh had resided were all over the place, along with a shock of red-hair, perhaps a wig, that seemed to shiver.

"Wait?! A moving wig? No! It has to be her!"

Shinji dashed out the front door, bypassing the destroyed elevator and dashing down the stairs. He spun around stairwell after stairwell, until he burst out into the cold night air, his heart pumping rapidly as his breath floated out visibly in front of him.

Sure enough, slumped against an upturned van was a vision of beauty and impecunious. A starving angel.

He reached out slowly towards her, unsure of what to do, brushing his hand against her cheek.

"Asuka?"

A shiver passed throughout her body, but she made no other movements.

"Asuka?!"

He clenched his fists, stiffening as he finally decided what to do. If she was conscious she would've killed him for this, but he had no choice.

Even though he had just survived the apocalypse, he couldn't help but blush as he picked up her surprisingly light body and began to lug it towards the stairs with both hands, trying not to touch any promiscuous places.

After what seemed like hours, he finally reached his floor, pushing through the open entrance of Misato's apartment, and slumping Asuka's limp body on the couch, and then collapsing on the floor next to the couch, feeling extremely tired.

* * *

_Asuka yawned, slowly raising her body upright and staring around the small room._

_Next to her was another naked body, slumped under the covers, evidently a young man her age._

"_A dream?"_

_Shinji moved towards her, but she seemed not to notice._

"_I need you!"_

_Asuka turned to look around the room, noticing a bra and some other clothing strewn across the room, Shinji's words go to deaf ears._

_She slowly got off the bed, peering at the naked man who had been besides_

"_Idiot Touji?"_

_Touji moved slightly in the bed, stirring under the covers but remaining asleep._

_Asuka's face twisted in disgust._

_"I see. I drank on the way home from work and ended up sleeping with this jerk again. Lately when we see each other that's all we do..."_

_Asuka slowly reached for a pair of panties and a green shirt, carefully putting them on to hide her nudeness, and then moved towards the small bathroom._

"_Men...You let them do it with you once and from then on that's all there is. I wonder if they think about anything else... Well, I guess if you do it once, then it's no different from a hundred times."_

_Asuka made an unpleasant face as she looked in the bathroom mirror, drinking in a mouthful of tap water and gargling._

_She gagged and spit out the water, her face twisting into a look of extreme disgust._

"_Yuck! There's still some left in my mouth...."_

_Asuka slowly began reaching for her skirt, fixing her hair as she quickly got dressed._

"_That idiot, always dodging the issue like that and refusing to commit. Even though we both know it's just convenient excuses to make do for the moment"_

_She stopped next to the front door, making sure she was completely ready._

_"But things proceed and before you know it we're living together. How did...that...happen?"_

_Shinji grabbed his head, stumbling around the room, utterly confused._

"_What...happened?!"_

_He stumbled around the room, slamming his face into the wall. _

_To his surprise, he went straight through it, strolling right into the neighboring apartment._

_To his even greater shock, there was a familiar face residing in it, tucked in under a kotatsu._

"_M-Misato?!"_

_Misato turned her head towards Shinji, but seemed to be looking straight through him, instead to the wall behind him that separated the two apartments. She spoke as she stared, apparently to herself._

_"A dream? A bad dream. I wonder if I'm balancing my stress...Things could never work out with that man now...absolutely impossible. Well, I guess it's no use complaining about reality in your dreams." _

_Misato groaned as voices from next-door streamed in._

"..._Shut up you idiot! I've had enou..."_

"_Asuka! Stop being so..."_

_Misato groaned, her face twisting in disgust._

_"And now of course the live-in couple is just going to start the peacemaking ritual again..."_

_The noises next door suddenly stop._

"_See, they're getting ready"_

_Shinji moved closer to Misato, waving his hand in front of her face._

"_Misato?! Why are you ignoring me?"_

_The older woman turned to her side as her cell phone suddenly began ringing, the noise echoing through the apartment._

_Misato groaned once more, grabbing her phone and answering in an annoyed voice._

"_Hello?"_

_"Oh, Ritsuko." _

_"The upcoming vacation? Sure, no problem. Okay, okay." _

_"Canceled without a doubt. There's no way I'd visit back home now. They'd arrange some marriage meeting and I'd be done for." _

_Loud moans streamed into the room, evidently from the apartment next door._

_"No! No! Not a chance. It's the neighbors -- the neighbors. Like cats in heat, they never seem to tire of it. Night after night -- it's like they don't have anything else to do; not another care in the world. "_

_"You're just saying that because you don't have to live with it." _

_"That's right, and they're already living together. And they're so young." _

_"Men just want a mother figure that will spoil them, and women become intoxicated with the comfort that situation provides. It's just two lonely people making a couple. It doesn't look like it'll last long. They'll probably hit the breakup battle stage soon." _

_"No! It's just common sense. Why do you think mothers don't let their children go? Because mothers need their children. Without a child a mother cannot exist. This is the same thing -- it's so stupid."_

_Shinji shook his head, stumbling rapidly away, straight through the open front door as Misato opened it and strolled outside with a garbage bag in her left hand, bumping into Asuka, who seemed in a good mood._

"_Ah, hello, Miss Sohryu, was it?"_

"_Oh, how are you...Miss Katsuragi?"_

"_Nice, thank you, how are you?"_

"_Just fine, I'm off to work"_

"_Well, see you then, have a good day."_

_Asuka nodded, a fake smile plastered on her face as she walked down the stairs..._

"_You too..."_

_Shinji looked at Asuka and Misato confused at their interaction, and then gazed directly at Asuka as the woman walked off._

"_She's alone...No, she has people...people who love her, who care for her...I am alone"_

_Shinji followed Asuka as she veered off down the street, talking to herself as she walked alone._

_"Aah -- that neighbor lady. Wasting my time with pointless talk! Shit! Now I'll never make the 9:30 express. Jeez she pisses me off!"_

_Asuka continued walking past the train station, Shinji trailing behind her._

_He stared at her back, shivering slightly as he walked. _

"_Asuka!"_

_The red-haired woman stopped to Shinji's surprise, and turned her head behind her._

_The boy stumbled backwards, hiding behind a large electrical pole._

_Asuka simply turned back and continued walking forward as if nothing happened._

_Shinji fell to his knees, whispering in a somber voice._

"_I'm not here"_

_Suddenly the world around Shinji seemed to stop, Asuka simply freezing in mid-stride. The boy stood, and noticed everything around him frozen, as if paused, birds floating in the air, people frozen in awkward positions._

"_This isn't reality. It's a world without me." _

_"Even if I'm not here, the world doesn't change." _

_"Only the relationships with me have disappeared." _

_"That's right, I'm not here." _

_Suddenly Shinji heard Rei's soft voice, and spun around. It was coming from his right, but he couldn't see Rei or anyone there, for that matter._

_"You were taking revenge on reality with convenient dreams."_

_Shinji paused, confused, and then slowly responded to the invisible Rei._

"_Is that bad? Is that so wrong?"_

_Shinji's response came from his left now, still Rei's voice, as if the Rei had moved._

_"You were fleeing into dreams, and glossing over the truth."_

_Shinji grimaced, now turning to his left._

"_Is it wrong to dream?!"_

_Shinji stumbled back as Rei appeared directly in front of him, looking exactly as she always had, dressed in her pale white plug suit._

"_Rei?!"_

_"That is not a dream. It is just an illusion. A compensation for reality."_

* * *

Shinji awoke with a scream, sitting upright as he felt something warm shaking him rapidly, sweat running down his face.

"Shinji! Shinji!"

Shinji gazed up dreamily into Asuka's pale, beautiful face as she shook him into reality.

"Are you okay?"

"Wha? Of course I am, you idiot..."

Her face softened.

"What about you? You were screaming in your sleep?"

Shinji turned his head, looking at the glass patio partition and the starry night above.

"I-I'm fine"

Shinji clutched his head in his hands, sighing.

"I'm _fine..._"

Asuka looked at him questionably, a hint of concern in her blue eyes.

"I'm fine."

"If you say so...Thir...Shinji..."

* * *

Chapter Two is done...I enjoyed writing it, kind of...Now I'm off to write Chapter Ten of Neon Genesis Evangelion: Madness...Please friggin' review my fics! Eehhehe....

I've realized as a Eva fic author, I'm a sadist, I like delivering pain to my readers, I try to do it by making good fics, but sometimes I deliver pain because my fics suck (like FoD)...Eeheheheh

And as an Eva fic reader, because I've read a lot of Eva fan fiction, I'm a masochist, I draw a secret delight from good angsty and dark fics...

Well, see you next chapter, where you'll see more interaction between Asuka and Shinji...Until then, farewell, and please friggin' review, ye bastards! Eeehhehehe...

* * *


	3. Descent into Foolishness

Well, hope you liked the last chapter, absolutely no one! Because apparently no one is reading this, because there are no real legitimate reviews...sob

Well, whatever, at least Madness has a good amount of positive input, and so does shudder FoD, kind of...

Well, enough chit chat and "Well"s, let's get on with it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL?!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

****

Asuka Langley Sohryu stood over the crumpled form of the Third Child as he grumbled and groaned on his futon, in his sleep. His screams and groans had awakened her, and she was ready to give him a piece of her mind, once she managed to get him out of whatever nightmares were breaking him.

"Pervert!"

"Idiot!"

"Third Child!"

"Shinji!"

Still Shinji Ikari would not budge, the depressed teenager rolling around in his sleep, moaning and groaning as the terror of his dreams brought their full weight upon his crumbling sanity.

"Pervert!"

"Idiot!"

"_Hey Third Child!"_

_Shinji stumbled back from the vision of Asuka at the end of the hall, glaring at him with eyes full of contempt and rage._

"_So...she hated me from the beginning...didn't she...Why is she here with me in this hell?"_

_Rei appeared behind him, dressed in her school uniform, she stared at the back of his head as she spoke._

"_Every single life-form has the power to return to their original form. Every life-form has the power to live"_

"_What? I don't understand...Why would she come back? Did she want to be with me? Did I bring her to this misery?"_

_Shinji let out a sudden yelp as the landscape around him changed, and his eyes opened wide as he saw a small red-haired girl running past him._

"_Mommy! Mommy! They chose me! I'm an Eva pilot, I'm going to protect mankind all by myself"_

_Shinji's eyes widened in realization. Some how, this was her, maybe when she was younger. He could no longer tell his memories from her memories.._

_He chased after her as she continued running._

"_The best in the world, it's supposed to be secret, but I'll tell you, mother! Everybody is so nice to me, and I'm not even lonely anymore, even without father!"_

"_Asuka! Asuka!" _

_Shinji was directly behind her as she ran through the door, and his eyes as well as her eyes, fell on the slowly swaying body hanging from the ceiling._

"_M-Mommy?!"_

_Shinji stared at the little girl as she shivered and shook with great emotion._

"_I'm sorry Asuka...I can't...I can't help you...you're too much like..."_

_Shinji fell to his knees, shivering and dry sobbing as the world behind him disappeared. Once again Rei stood behind him, her monotone voice picking up again._

"_Your pain is similar, it is what binds you together and yet drives both of you apart..."_

"_You still didn't answer my question, Ayana...Rei...Rei, tell me the truth!"_

"_The things you perceive are the truth."_

_Shinji stumbled backwards as Toji appeared beside him, alive and well, that familiar voice to his right._

"_Things within you."_

_The Third Child let out a soft choking noise as Misato Katsuragi appeared in front of him, no gunshot wounds, and no blood on her body._

_He slowly touched his mouth in recollection as she spoke, expecting her blood to still be there, that awful bittersweet taste._

"_And the things recorded in your memory will be your truth."_

_Rei spoke once more from behind Shinji, he did not turn, but he knew it was her, he could almost feel her familiar aura, and of course no one else had that unmistakable soft voice._

"_There is a truth that changes through the time."_

"_What? I don't understand, Rei, this is the truth? The result of everything, is this?"_

_Toji and Misato nodded mechanically._

"_Out of many truths, this is one."_

"_That's the result you wanted, Shinji."_

_Shinji stiffened, and spoke with a wavering and clearly confused voice._

"_I wanted!?"_

_Rei Ayanami's soft voice wafted into his ears once more._

_Yes. Destruction, the world where nobody was saved._

_NO. It's that nobody saved me._

_Gendo Ikari appeared to Shinji's left, the man's cold eyes boring past the tinted glasses and into his son._

"_Nobody can save you."_

_Toji nodded, moving closer to Shinji._

"_This is what you wanted."_

_Misato spoke again, her voice chilling the Third Child to the bone._

"_Destruction, Death, the return to nothingness, all of these did you wish for. This is reality._

"_What is reality?! Rei? Tell me!"_

_Your world. With time, with space, with other people, a world of your own. The world where how to accept things and how to perceive things is absolutely up to you. It's your world, only given to you now."_

_Rei paused, and moved closer to Shinji, he could feel her brush against him, and suddenly everyone else but he and the First Child disappeared._

"_That is reality, Shinji."_

_As Shinji turned his head to Rei, she grew slightly taller and her hair turned from blue to brown. Shinji stared at his mother, Yui Ikari._

"_As long as you want to live, everywhere will become heaven. Isn't that right, Shinji?"_

_She smiled, and put a cold hand on his shoulder as she spoke his name._

_A shiver ran up Shinji's spine and he stumbled backwards, pushing his mother away. His eyes strained but no tears fell, and his face grew red and angry._

"_No! No! No! You're lying! You were all lying! I am alive, and there is no chance for me in hell, I am in hell! Nothing is alright! I failed everyone, I failed Misato, I failed my father, I failed...Asuka..."_

Asuka slowly brought her ear close to Shinji's face, curious at what he was whispering. His hot breath tickled her ear and she blushed slightly, and then even more deeply as he heard what he muttered.

"Asuka..."

She shook her head and whispered in contempt.

"Pervert..."

"...why...do you hate me?"

_Asuka shook her head, which was slumped over on the large wooden face of the table._

"_Asuka, please...help me..."_

"_You don't understand a thing! Don't come any closer, pervert!"_

_Shinji clenched his fists. He couldn't give up, not now. The Third Child slowly approached the crumpled Second Child and reached out towards her._

"_I understand...Asuka"_

Asuka stiffened as more words left Shinji's lips as he drowned in his dreamscape.

"...I need you Asuka...please...I love you..."

_Asuka stood with a huff, moving towards the surprised Third Child with a look of pure fury in her blue eyes._

_You don't understand. Idiot! Do you think you really understand what I'm thinking? _

_She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to her in anger._

_Shinji could feel her warm breath blowing against his cheek._

"_Do you think you can help me? I'd rather die than be with you."_

_Meanwhile the words of hate were simply bouncing of Shinji, he was too absorbed by their proximity. He was no pervert, but he was mesmerized by the beauty of her face, so close to his, and moved in without realizing what he was doing or the future consequences._

Asuka didn't see it coming, she simply felt Shinji's sleeping face draw closer to her, and jerked her ear away to face him and see what he was up to. In that moment, their lips met, and her eyes opened in surprise.

_Shinji kissed her tenderly, enjoying the full drink of her warm lips. _

_Asuka let out a shuddering moan and began kissing him back, but then quickly caught herself, pulling back and sending her hands grappling onto Shinji's neck._

"_You pervert! You think I'll let you take advantage of me?! I'll kill..."_

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

Asuka's eyes lit up in rage, as she pulled back and wrapped her hands around Shinji's neck, squeezing tightly, an embrace of death.

Shinji's eyes slowly opened, and he stared at her distantly, and then closed his eyes once more as Asuka squeezed even more tightly.

_Rei stared at him, her eyes boring through his soul. He suddenly felt very lightheaded and also slightly manic._

"_Rei?! Is this, is this a dream? Can I dream alone?"_

"_That would not be a dream. It would just be a projection of reality."_

"_Then... where is my dream?"_

"_That is the extension of reality. "_

"_My... where is my reality?"_

"_That is at the end of the dream"_

Shinji let out a gasp as his eyes opened wide to the sight of Asuka, her face twisted in rage, her hands tightening in their death grip around his neck.

As the air left his throat, the hands around it tightened, letting nothing pass through afterwards.

He stared up into Asuka's eyes as she strangled him. He smiled as he realized what she was doing, and in the end why she was doing it.

"_She's always hated me...at least I will finally reach peace...at least it's at her hands..."_

Shinji smiled deeply, a serene smile of one giving up on the world, and ready to embrace death.

With the last bit of his energy, he slowly brought up his left hand towards Asuka's cheek. Asuka braced herself, preparing to guard herself, expecting Shinji to defend herself. A shiver ran up her back as she felt Shinji's hand instead brushing against her cheek, caressing it fondly as his peaceful smile deepened and became even warmer.

A tear ran down her face as she continued choking even harder.

"_He doesn't understand me, acting like a wimp even when he's dying, like he's some saint!"_

An odd choking sound left his lips, and she moved her head closer to his as she choked him roughly, despite herself.

"As...Asuka....thank you..."

Shinji's hand fell limp and his chest heaved once more and then stopped, his serene countenance still unchanging, his blue eyes staring off into space.

Asuka suddenly released his neck, as multiple tears fell off her face and down onto Shinji's cold body.

"What have I done?! Shinji?!"

She grabbed the Third Child by the shoulder and shook him roughly by the shoulder.

"Pervert?"

"Idiot?"

"Third Child?"

"Shinji?"

"Shinji! No, don't leave me here, don't leave me here alone..."

The Second Child frantically grasped Shinji Ikari's limp head by the chin and pulled it towards her face. She stared into his eyes and took in a breath, she hadn't much time.

Asuka's lips clamped against Shinji and she began breathing air into him while pumping against his chest.

"Shinji?!"

Shinji Ikari's eyes slowly opened as he felt Asuka's lips pressing against his.

"_What happened? Where was I? Ah...I remember...We were kissing..."_

Asuka's eyes opened wide as she felt Shinji tenderly kissing back. She drowned into their mutual warmth, but a part of her still resisted and managed to give her the energy to pull back before she succumbed completely.

Yet this time she did not strangle the Third Child, and simply stared at him silently as he stared up at her with a lopsided grin.

"Hi...Asuka..."

Asuka lowered her head to hide the tears and her pinked cheeks, and muttered under her breath as she lightly pushed the Third Child away.

"Idiot..."

* * *

That was kind of short, but I've gotten used to writing long chapters for Madness, medium chapters for FoD, and kind of short surreal ones for Darkness, it just fits with the style of the story, and besides I like cutting at exactly the right moment....

Next chapter, things will get a lot more interesting....This isn't just your regular A/S angst post-3I fic, so just stick with me here...eheheh...

See you later...

* * *


	4. Descent into Sadness

Hey guys, I'm back writing, after a looong hiatus…well, more of me being really lazy. Eheheh…I have to make new chapters for FoD and Madness too…especially Madness, since I'm definitely not abandoning it after so long…although for some goddamn reason, chapters 1 of Madness and like chapter 4 of FoD just disappeared, they're not there, it's going to be a pain in the ass to upload them again… 

Oh nevermind…they're back I suppose…crazy internet…And now I have a new fanfiction up…Check it out… Super Evangelion Friends Forever Ultimate X…weirdest fic ever…you'll see…

Well, let's start the show:

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari yawned and shivered, stretching out like a cat, his hand touching something warm and soft.

The former Third Child's eyes widened in disbelief as he beheld his hand laying upon a creamy white thigh. Slowly, he lifted up his hand and turned his head to the right.

There, sleeping quietly was Asuka Langley Sohryu, the subject of his love, his hate, the cause of his madness. But for now she looked like any ordinary girl.

_If any ordinary girl is unbelievably beautiful._

Shinji lifted himself out of the bed and slowly walked around the girl, to the kitchen to make breakfast, as long as Asuka did not wake with him beside her, he would be a little safer.

He sighed as he remembered the night before. He could still remember her soft lips, if only barely, he had been quiet tired and delirious the night before, and for a few minutes he doubted if it was real or just a dream. He still couldn't understand this reality.

"_Then... where is my dream?"_

"_That is the extension of reality."_

"_My... where is my reality?"_

"_That is at the end of the dream."_

Shinji shook his head.

"What is this Rei…what is this!"

He heard a familiar snort behind him and a soft but grating voice.

"Talking to yourself Third Child? You must have really lost it now…"

Shinji stiffened, he did not mind most things, but that label, that rank, those memories, he could not bear it.

He spoke softly with a hint of pure aggression, turning to face Asuka.

"Asuka…breakfast is ready…"

They had found a nice amount of bread and a few jars of honey a few days ago, and that had proved sufficient for all their major meal needs.

Asuka wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

"Can't you find something else to eat other than this damned honey and damned bread everyday, baka Third Child?"

Shinji stiffened and peered at Asuka with a strange look on his face.

"Don't…call…me that…"

Asuka's eyes brightened in recognition of what he was referring to and she scoffed.

"What? Third Child? You are the Third Child, a no good little child…"

Shinji stiffened and slammed his hand on the table, turning to put on his jacket, and speaking in a cold voice.

"I'm leaving to get supplies…Second Child."

Asuka shook her head as the boy left the apartment, gazing at the food that he had neglected to partake of.

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

Shinji sifted amongst the rubble, not really searching for anything in particular. He needed air, he needed to get these living nightmares out of his mind. His mind's eye ached. And Asuka was not helping. He hadn't had sleep for ages, it seemed, he wasn't sure that his eyes were reliable anymore, he couldn't trust his mind, it talked way too much.

He stumbled among the dislodged stones and metal, occasionally coming upon the shell of a person, as in their bodiless clothes, often accompanied by a pool of yellow fluid.

These haunted him, he felt he had caused their fate, but inside him, a shell of apathy was slowly growing. If he could hate them more than he hated himself…then…

_Then…everything will be fine, Shinji._

The Third Child sat upon a large piece of concrete, the wind swaying through a clothesline, making an eerie sound in the emptiness.

He clenched his fists, and staring down at the ground as if the secrets to nirvana itself were there.

He could feel something snapping within him, but he could not understand why, why there was anything wrong with him. Or was there anything wrong with him? He barely even knew himself.

_Someone…someone help me…Rei…Misato…Help…_

"…Help".

A weak voice spoke those words, sending Shinji stumbling forward with a yelp.

It was eerie to think that there were others alive, he remembered what they had said…he remembered, but still, he couldn't believe it.

Curled like a baby in front of the crumbled department store was a lean, lanky man, nursing a bleeding wound to his gut, and staring at Shinji with pleading eyes.

Shinji steadied his nerves, and peered at the man with a manic hilarity.

"Welcome to hell."

The man moaned, and reached out towards Shinji.

"Kill…me…"

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Asuka had been lounging about the house for hours, unsure of what to do. She had no idea what was keeping Shinj, she had no idea what to do. She feared the loneliness, as all must.

Suddenly Shinji burst through the door, a man latched weakly onto his shoulder, who was apparently too weak to walk in by himself and had a large bandage across his lean stomach.

Shinji peered at Asuka and smiled, which seemed to stun Asuka for a few minutes.

"There…are others?"

Shinji smirked.

"Why…yes? Why wouldn't there be? This man is Kariudo, Kariudo Kiriyama, I found him injured, and I decided to bring him here. The damned have to…work together after all."

Asuka frowned and turned back to the kitchen, anger evident on her face.

Shinji settled the unconscious man onto the couch, after a good amount of labor, and then turned to the Second Child.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Leave me alone…baka…"

"No, tell me, what's wrong with you, dammit?"

Shinji's voice took on a tinge of rage that almost made Asuka flinch. _Almost._

She felt weakened by a combination of lack of sleep and good nutrition, they hadn't eaten any fruit or vegetables since they'd…come.

The Second Child fell to her knees, and Shinji quickly dashed forward, grasping her and supporting her, their warm bodies touching and sharing in warmth, if only for a few seconds.

Kariudo lay against the couch, blinking, and gazing at Shinji.

Shinji meanwhile cradled Asuka, his eyes wild, energy gained from his soul, his soul…his feelings for this girl.

"It'll…be okay…"

"Right…baka…I can't have him here.."

"Who?"

"The newcomer…"

"Why? What are you talking about?"

"If he stays…I'll be gone…"

"Huh? You're not sounding right here, Asuka…"

_But then neither am I…it's getting to us…they're getting to me…_

Shinji slowly led Asuka to her room, and lay her against the bed. His lips hovered over her cheek as her eyes closed and she descended into sleep's embrace. But he chuckled to himself and hesitated, instead standing up and walking back out to Kariudo.

He just now noticed the various features on the other survivor. Kariudo Kiriyama was a long, lanky man, with a trimmed mustache and tanned, weathered skin.

He gazed up weakly to Shinji, staring at him quizzically.

"Who…were you talking to…Shinji?"

Shinji broke from his train of thought and turned to Kariudo, confusion on his face.

"_If he stays…I'll be gone…"_

"Uh…no one…no one at all…"

Kariudo peered at Shinji, and Shinji thought he saw an odd glint in the man's eyes.

_Fear? No, confusion?_

Kariudo nodded, and all of a sudden Shinji felt a ripping noise in his head, as if someone was in his mind, and shook it away, squinting and feeling dizzy.

"Alright, Kiriyama…I'm going to bed…You'll be fine in the couch, right?"

Kariudo nodded silently, and turned, closing his eyes.

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

**Shinji's Room**

Shinji lay against his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was familiar…but alien, in one single gaze. He didn't want to remember, he couldn't remember. All those lost memories…

Kaji…Rei…Asuka…Misato…his father…father…mother…mother…Asuka? Wait…Asuka was here…but he still felt like he missed her…Asuka...Misato…Kaji…those voices.

"_Now Shinji, to the heart of the story! I haven't told you're the reason why I'm spying on NERV."_

_Shinji stared at Kaji in the small cramped bunker and then turned his face away._

"_Well, I don't really care you know."_

"_Now, don't say that….otherwise, what are we going to talk about?"_

_Kaji grinned sheepishly and then began._

"_The…Second Impact was the beginning to everything. The aftermath was pure hell. Try to imagine it…Cities under tidal waves…disease…starvation, and of course, war. For a year, every horseman rode, until three billion people were gone. My mom and dad were two of them. My brother and I lived. He was four years younger"._

_Shinji's eyes hardened as Kaji mentioned his parent's fate, his eyes falling on Kaji in attention as the man calmly continued his story._

"_Orphaned kids like us were everywhere back then. The government rounded up as many of the children as they could. But what were they supposed to do with us? We were dumped into mass shelters. That didn't solve a thing. There were hundreds of thousands of us. The facilities were soon bursting at the seams. There wasn't enough food or clothes. We kicked and punched each other over who got to sleep in the beds, or who just got the floor. There weren't enough adults to watch over us so they tried to make up for it with harsh rules and…"_

_Shinji's looked down as he began to remember his own childhood, he felt uncomfortable and…_

"_So, when does the spy thing start?"_

_Kaji groaned._

"_Fine, a long intro, so sue me…There was only so much we could take. So we escaped...me, my brother, and five others. We did what we had to do."_

"_Huh?"_

"_You know. So we had to scrounge for food…steal, loot…anything to get by."_

_Shinji looked away again, raising his eyebrow._

"_First a thief, then a spy."_

_Kaji groaned again and talking loudly._

"_We didn't have a choice, all right!"_

"_Yeah..."_

"_But everywhere we scavenged was being picked over by other refugees, too…then, one day…we scouted out a military warehouse, kind of like the bunker we're in right now. There wasn't much in the way of high-tech security right after the disaster, so even kids like us managed to sneak in. So that's what we'd do, whenever we'd get hungry. Taking a little at a time, and going one by one to avoid attention."_

_Kaji paused, looking down, his suave face becoming hollow cheeked and grim._

"_And…then, one day, it was my turn. The patrol soldiers saw me, I tried to run, they grabbed me and hit me, I was just a child. They'd known all along what we'd been doing. He asked me where my friends were, where he could find them, I denied everything but they beat me and threatened me. I still remember what the sergeant among the soldiers said…'Let me appeal to your intellect, okay? Regulations state….that deadly force is authorized…towards trespassers on military facilities…that means that no one gives a damn if we kill you right here and now.' He held his handgun to my head, pulling my body up and kept on speaking in that…low…damned voice. 'Tell us where the others are and we spare you. For your information, the manual states the trigger pull on this is about two and-a-half kilos. One. Two.'"_

_Shinji's eyes widened in horror as Kaji pulled out a handgun as he counted to three, pointing it at his head and then throwing it against the wall at 'three'._

_Kaji grinned grimly and spoke again._

"_You know what, Shinji? I found out I was afraid of dying. There's never been a moment when I was more afraid, not in all my life."_

_Shinji stared at Kaji, stricken with terror._

"_Did…Did you tell them?"_

_Kaji looked down, the shadows absorbing his handsome face, his eyes drooping as if to answer in affirmative._

"_What…What happened?"_

"_They left after they found out…they were going to kill me anyway, but I managed to get past the guard and sprinted towards where my friends were, to warn them…When…When I got back to our building...I saw soldiers burning rubber, looking like they were making a getaway. All of them…All of them…"_

_Kaji looked Shinji in the face as Shinji's eyes widened even more._

"_I lived to tell this story…by taking the lives of my friends…and my brother. So yeah, it was simple. I had traded them for me. It's not that I didn't feel guilty. I thought about killing myself…"_

_Kaji's hands shook imperceptivity as he continued._

"_But…I started to think about it this way…What in the hell were we all doing in that situation, anyway? It was because of the Second Impact. It was…something to go on, something to go on for. It was around that time that the U.N. published the official explanation for that event. A meteor had hit Antarctica they said. I didn't buy it. If there were people behind this, then they should be punished, or they would only make more victims…I thought I could atone for my brother…by uncovering the truth of what happened."_

_Kaji pulled out a cigarette and calmly lighted it._

"_I was lucky, I eventually found relatives who took me back in. Got back in school, and they sent me to college. Learned a lot there…"_

"_To become a spy?"_

"_Hah…You could say that…It was then that I met Katsuragi…We fell in love right away. We were so happy. But…we were consumed by our happiness. That suddenly, one day, some fear stuck me down. I wondered…if I deserved this, when I killed my own brother."_

"_What!" Is that why you broke up?"_

"_I just couldn't spend my time being in love anymore…"_

"_I feel sorry for Misato…I think…she still loves you. She…She said that there are something you can't help, even if you're in love."_

_Kaji took a puff of his cigarette and looked intently at the floor._

"_It's the same…with her, Shinji."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_She's the sole survivor of the Katsuragi Expedition that was there when Second Impact happened. There was never any meteor. She's the only living soul who actually saw it up close. Her father was heading the investigation of the object called "Adam" that they had discovered…buried in Antarctica. And then, it happened. They were both wounded, with only one escape vessel. He put her in. She survived…he died."_

_Shinji's eyes widened once more as he heard Misato's past._

"_It runs down her body you know…The scar, it runs deep inside. I know it's why she joined NERV, just like it's why I'm spying on it. Neither of us…deserve to be happy. And...Shinji…Neither do you."_

_Kaji stared Shinji intently in the eyes, Kaji's eyes now gaining a harder less casual look to them._

"_What do you mean...I'm not the same as you…Are…you…You're talking about Toji! That wasn't my fault. Dad did it!"_

_Shinji roared with all his weak voice._

"_Toji died because of dad!"_

_Kaji slowly held the cigarette in his fingers, the smoke billowing around._

"_And you, Shinji. You just watched…You could've stopped it if you tried. If you had fought before they switched over to the dummy system you might have been able to defeat the angel, and save Suzuhara's life. But…you didn't. Suzuhara died…and you survived. Just like how I survived by trading my brother's life. And how Katsuragi survived by trading her father. You have it now. You have Suzuhara's life. You've still got flesh and blood, because you took his."_

_Shinji stared at Kaji, tears welling up in his eyes as his right fist clenched and unclenched_

"_So how are you going to live that life…as if nothing happened?"_

"_What…am I supposed to do!"_

_Kaji lifted his hand and pointed towards the exit of the bunker_

"_You can get to the Geofront on the Linear-Rail Route 18, through the door on the end. It's your choice whether you get on it or not. But it's like I've told you before…You musn't look away from the truth."_

_The tears slowly trickled down Shinji's face as Kaji looked even more dark and serious._

"_They say…that there will be a Third Impact…if an angel makes contact with Adam, which is sleeping underneath NERV. This time, everyone could die. The only one that can stop it…the only thing, is the Evangelion. It has power…as an angel."_

He could see its monstrous face in his mind…The Evangelion…mankind's folly…had someone told him that…

Shinji stiffened as he heard a tap, and his door slowly creaked open, releasing him.

It was Asuka, a human mess, it only made her look more beautiful to Shinji, and he looked on nervously. The area underneath her eyes were damp, and her hair was a mess. She stumbled towards the Third Child, her mouth opening and closing, saying something he could not hear or comprehend.

She closed in on him, their bodies inches apart, and started to kiss up and down his neck, making odd moaning noises and whispering obscene things to him, propositions of love and lust. Love was just a hollow avatar of lust dressed up in "Compassion" and "Loyalty", Shinji knew that was true.

He slowly began returning Asuka's tender kisses, completely unable to resist. He was to insane to resist, too sane not to resist? Who could resist? He could not, it was amusing to him, it was painfully beautiful to him, it felt angelic as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt, and then his pants, and then pulled down his dirty underwear. She slowly took off the little clothes she had, and they both stood there, dirty, unclean, wretches, but most of all, human.

They approached each other, and connected, both mentally and physically, their heart beats increasing, their minds pulsing with pleasure with each moan and rhythmic motion, it was doing nothing to settle their minds, it just filled them with passion to cloud their pain.

She rode atop him, groaning and moaning, whispering things so obscene, so decadent, such as love.

"Shinji…I…love you."

Shinji groaned, both in disbelief and because of the activity.

_What does love have to do with it?_

Then they were both overcome with hormones, they both came to a complete stop, and Asuka fell down atop Shinji's naked body, panting and breathing heavily in embrace. She smelled of sin, although Shinji could not explain why.

She smiled at him, and spoke in a soft whisper…it sounded almost like.

"Rei!"

Asuka smiled subtly, speaking in Rei's voice.

"Your reality…is as you perceive it."

Shinji's eyes bulged open, his tired brain not capable of registering all that was going on. Darkness slowly began to overcome him, but he drove it away, and swatted his hand towards the succubus of a woman that was atop him. His hand went through Asuka's body, as if it were a mere specter, and then it floated away like mist, finally dissipating.

Shinji lay against the bed, clenching his fists, and sobbing, although there were no tears. He knew it was true, Asuka was still in her room sleeping, he could hear her snoring through the thin wall that separated their room. So…what…was this damned reality?

A voice echoed in his head, familiar and soothing.

"_As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right."_

Shinji chuckled loudly, then broke into boisterous laughing, unsettling the entire wretched household and the only other people still surviving on the planet, as tears finally began to run down his face.

"Hah…what a lie that was…"

* * *

Yeah…did this chapter seem sort of rushed or adlibbed? Or odd? Hrmmm, it's not my best, that's for sure, and if you think this is getting too weird, well…Just wait for the next chapter…

Death, insomnia, hallucination, oh my! 


	5. Descent into Ruthlessness

Well, the last chapter was pretty lame, a filler chapter, I thought, with an unnecessary flashback and a surreal scene of dirtiness that possibly or maybe never happened. 

Don't worry; the madness is just going to increase, ruthlessly. 

The only reason the last chapter was weird was because I wasn't in the flow of things yet, I'm back…soo…

Well, let's start the show:

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari, a young man with a wretched mind, in a desolate world, struggled to understand himself and this world he lived in, and possibly created. He had shaped his reality, quite literally, or at least he believed he had. He couldn't remember anything, he had the distinct feeling that this entire thing was a joke. Life that is.

"_As somewhere that is unknown to reality, a dream is within reality." "And reality is in your heart." "Because it is the human heart that creates your appearance". "And new thoughts will change peoples' hearts. Imagination... the power of creation. Open your own future, create it." _

He clenched and unclenched his fists, his head a burning mess, he could vaguely remember last night, and he was convinced it had not happened, although he couldn't seem to define the thin line between what had happened and what hadn't. It all seemed odd. He needed sleep, he couldn't sleep. It was already morning. It had been morning for hours. Hours that seemed to last like years.

A hoarse yet soothing voice awoke him.

"Aren't you going to make breakfast, Shinji?"

Shinji quickly lifted himself up, startled and wary.

_So…she calls me Shinji now…has it always been like this?_

He stared at her curiously, and she shook her head.

"Are you brain-dead, Third Child, I asked you to make breakfast, dammit."

Shinji's eyes widened and he nodded, his mind a net of confusion only stopping to focus on this new task at hand.

_Breakfast._

He walked slowly out of his room, as Asuka trailed behind, eying him with a glint of self-righteousness and confusion.

She turned back towards her room, leaving him with a parting comment.

"Leave it next to my door."

He nodded absentmindedly and stood by the stove, lighting it, and looking for the eggs he had discovered the day before. It was then he heard the loud snoring sound, almost like wheezing. It startled him, and almost made him drop the egg he had just found that second.

A strange man yawned, snoring and grunting on the couch, and then rose, eying Shinji weakly.

"Ah…Shinji was it? Good morning."

Shinji eyed him curiously.

_Has he…What? He…Hmmm…Yesterday I found him…or was it the day before…_

"Smells good."

Shinji chuckled hollowly.

"Thanks, I'm pretty good at cooking, I suppose."

The two males stood there in silence as the eggs began to fry, and Kariudo stretched, obviously uncomfortable from the awkward silence, and began to move towards the bathroom.

"I think I'm going to take a shower Shinji, thank you again, this isn't such a bad place, post apocalyptic or not…"

Shinji nodded absentmindedly as the strange man walked into the bathroom and shut the door. A few minutes later, the sound of the shower coming on entered his ears and he wondered as he prepared the fresh eggs, putting them on three plates.

_The water still works? How is that?_

He lifted the plate he had made for Asuka and slowly strolled over to her door, leaving it there, and then pressing his ear against her door. He could hear her vaguely snoring, and didn't want to bother her or incur more of her wrath, so he stood and walked back towards the kitchen.

Kariudo meanwhile had exited from the bathroom, fully dressed with a damp towel atop his head.

"Hrmm, what's the third plate on the ground for Shinji? Do we have a third person here? I mean, I'm sure privacy is important, but when we're the only people left on earth, I'd like to know if there are others."

Shinji remembered Asuka's request of privacy, and the night before, and the hallucination…oh if it was a hallucination, it must have been sent from Hell, or from Heaven perhaps, the line was so thin and blurred.

_I have to think fast._

"It's in honor of a lost friend of mine…There's plenty of food in the world for only two people, and besides, I've been doing it for ages."

Kariudo cocked his head, noticing Shinji's blush. He raised his eyebrow.

"A _girl_friend?"

Shinji could do nothing but slightly nod his head, hoping and praying that Asuka could not hear them through the door.

"Ah, I understand Shinji. Did she die some time ago? I mean, before this damned mess?"

Shinji tried to come up with the first thing that came to mind.

"Yes, she died before it happened…I think…I think I liked her a lot."

Kariudo nodded grimly at this fake admission and patted Shinji's shoulder warmly.

"I understand…I understand…this is a hopeless situation, isn't it…there isn't anyway to repopulate the world…but I'm not sure I'd want to even if there was…I'm not sure if I'd want to bring a human being into this horrible world. I guess we're the last ones."

Shinji nodded grimly, and the two last males on Earth sat down together, eating a pan full of fried eggs.

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

Shinji strode through the rubble alongside Kariudo. It made him feel quite strange to be in the ruins of the city that had been his home for what seemed like eternity, and even stranger to be viewing the ruins with another human being, other than Asuka.

He had insisted on Kariudo accompanying him to search for supplies, not truly because he needed to help, but because he wanted to get the man out of the house so Asuka could get some privacy alone to eat and enjoy herself alone. He certainly did not want Kariudo to intrude on that, and he figured there was always a reason to leave the house in this time of docile emergency, where the chaos had ended, leaving a quiet mess.

He turned to Kariudo, grinning confidently as they jogged across the tricky terrain of upended stones and debris.

He enjoyed the company of this newcomer, because it affirmed his existence, it was true what they had said, about others defining one's reality. It made Shinji feel confident when Kariudo was around, although he hardly knew the man, they were simply survivors, both far from the maddening crowds, since the crowds themselves had been wiped out en masse.

Shinji leaned back against the wall of a crumbled department store, wondering at its similarity to all the other buildings in the city.

_Of course they look the same, it's all ruins…_

Kariudo took out a cigarette and lit it with a match, smiling grimly.

"You're an interesting guy, Shinji Ikari, but I sense inner problems, my friend…You're pretty weird, but I guess you went through a lot, piloting at all."

Shinji raised his head in alarm, he had never thought about anyone remembering his significance, his purpose, for that time.

Kariudo waved his hand casually.

"Nah, don't worry man, I didn't lose a relative or something because of you, I was just curious, that's all…You're an interesting guy."

Shinji hung his head and scratched the back of his head meekly, but suddenly the scratching became erratic, digging into his skin, as the ground shook around them.

Shinji stumbled backwards and fell onto his back, his eyes open to the eerie sky. He could see the remnants of Lillith…her hand was reaching out for him, it would take him away from this misery.

_No…No…I can't that would be running away…_

Rei appeared next to him, kneeling, a pale hand on his forehead, and he smiled serenely, only to see the hand turn into a gruff, masculine grip, and Rei turn effortlessly into Kariudo.

The ground was continuing to shake violently, as if the earth itself was having a fit, as if the earth was trying to regurgitate its lost children.

Kariudo slowly lifted Shinji up, steadying the young man against him.

"D-D-Dammit, I think it's an earthquake, although I don't know why the hell it's happening. We've got to get…get out of here!"

Shinji nodded absentmindedly, but then his eyes opened wide as he saw the wall next to them crumbling, sending large sections of stone towards them.

Kariudo saw this too, and shoved Shinji away with a yelp, and then stumbled back himself, allowing the rocks to fall harmlessly between them.

The dust rose from the madness, clouding everything in a fine, unmanageable covering.

All was chaos, and Shinji stumbled back, shouting, looking for anyone, worrying, screaming.

He knew not what he screamed in his moment of weakness, perhaps even his father's name, but the last thing he remembered before he fell into darkness was his mother's face, smiling serenely at him.

Shinji let a large grin dance across his face as a large piece of rock hurtled towards him.

"You...bitch…what are you so happy about?"

* * *

_Shinji Ikari smiled sadly as he peered at Rei. She was still so very beautiful, still so very apathetic._

_His voice was laced with sadness._

"_What is this, Rei? What is this darkness, this madness, this fear, this sadness?"_

_She spoke, a slight smile across her lips._

"_This is your reality. The things that form you are your own mind and the world surrounding you."_

"_What?"_

"_Since this is your own world. The real form that you conceive. That is reality."_

_Shinji shook his head._

"_No…No… This is the world of nothing, space with nothing, the world of nothing. The world with nothing but me, and Asuka, and misery! I am understanding myself less and less! I feel as if I'm going to disappear. My existence is fading away…in this darkness…in this madness…Why?"_

_Rei smiled sadly._

"_Because there's nobody but you."_

"_Nobody but me? But…the others!"_

"_Because you have no existence outside of yourself, you can't figure out your own shape."_

"_My shape? My image? My feelings? For Asuka…and…mother…and the others…"_

"_Yes. You are getting to know your own shape through seeing others' shapes, others' feelings. Seeing others' walls, you imagine yourself. You cannot see yourself unless there are others."_

"_Because there are others, I can exist. If alone, I am always alone anywhere. The world is entirely from me…but even now, I cannot handle this…I feel like something is missing, like someone is missing…What is this Rei!"_

_Shinji reached out towards Rei, to at least touch the pale girl's face, but his hand went straight through her now translucent face._

_Rei shook her head sadly._

"_By recognizing the difference between yourself and others, you form an image of yourself. You form your image of yourself from other people. The very first other person is your mother."_

_Shinji could see traces of his mother's face in Rei Ayanami, and suddenly stiffened, stumbling back._

"_Mother!"_

"_Your mother is a different person from you."_

"_Yes, obviously, I am I. Yet, it's true that others form the shape of my mind…I think I understand…"_

"_That's right…Ikari."_

_Shinji relaxed for a moment, but suddenly stiffened as he heard Asuka's shrill voice._

"_You're too slow to understand, Third Child."_

_

* * *

_  
**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

Shinji awoke from the deep darkness with a start, moaning in pain as he grew cognizant of his surroundings. He was coated in a thick layer of dust, and there was an aching, dull pain all over his body, but primarily in his legs.

He slowly pulled himself up, steadying himself against a stone wall and surveying the carnage.

_Nothing…is different…I can hardly tell anything happened…_

Indeed, the ruins were still ruins, one could not tell the difference an earthquake could do to an already demolished city.

_But I remember Kariudo…I remember, he called out my name…I wonder if he's alright._

Shinji stiffened again, remembering Asuka, and suddenly feeling a surge of pain and worry for her safety. It filled him with a vigor he had not felt for weeks, it made him feel alive, and he sprinted back towards Misato's apartment with this new energy, hoping it still stood.

_Maybe I exist…to find out why I exist…_

_

* * *

_  
**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Shinji burst through the door, the energy drained out of him, causing him to limp from whatever injuries he had been dealt the last hour. He had been fueled by an energy that had come from his worry for Sohryu, but when he noticed the building that their apartment was in was perfectly fine, he relaxed, and in turn, lost that burst of energy.

He sighed and looked about the room, wondering in the back of his mind if Kariudo was still alive.

"Asuka? Are you here? I'm back."

Shinji's only response was silence.

"Asuka?"

Suddenly a grating, sniffling sound emanated from the back of the apartment.

_Asuka's room…what happened…maybe some of the furniture got shook…no…_

He slowly approached Asuka's room, but stopped by the door, spying a pool of blood flowing out the door and into the living room.

Shinji was toppled over by the sheer force of his misery, dropping down on his knees.

"Asuka…Asuka…Asuka…"

_So you took her away…you hypocritical bastar…_

Shinji stiffened, as he heard a whisper and then a whimper.

"Shinji…Shinji…help me…I need you…Shinji."

Shinji slowly rose, and clenched his fists, closing his eyes and entering the room, making sure not to step into the pool of blood.

He was horrified out of his mind, he could not open his eyes.

_What am I so afraid of…the world is gone…and perhaps it is my fault…I have nothing to be…afraid of…_

Shinji opened his eyes and the scene of chaos that was Asuka's room slammed into his brain, he could barely register it because of the shock.

Kariudo lay on the floor of the room, a kitchen knife embedded in his chest. Asuka lay curled up in a corner, apparently unharmed, her clothes ripped, sniffling and sobbing.

Shinji looked from the corpse to Asuka, and almost chuckled, he almost laughed from the pure madness of it all.

He fell on his knees and looked Asuka in the eyes, trembling, his eyes pleading with her to tell him what happened.

"Asuka…Asuka…Why? What…is this?"

"No…I can't tell you…I can never tell you Shinji…"

Shinji reached out towards the shivering girl, trying his best to make his voice sound soothing but failing horribly.

"Asuka…please, tell me, remember what I said…I'll always be here for you."

_Did I say that? I'm telling her to remember…I don't remember that…_

Suddenly Shinji was slammed back with Asuka's weight, falling on his back as she leapt into his body and gripped him tightly, shivering and shaking in chest.

"He…He tried to force himself on me, Shinji…I couldn't let him do it…not after all I've been through…not now…I told you that he couldn't know about me…but he opened the door…oh Shinji…his…hands…he…"

Shinji made a shushing sound, and his hands calmly caressed Asuka's crimson locks. His voice and hands were soothing, his body was sharing, mingling its warmth with Asuka's. But his eyes were staring past Asuka into the roof, pleading with some unknown being. They were practically unfeeling, cold irises now, a shade of their former blue glory.

He smiled grimly as he continued to slowly rub Asuka's shivering back, as Kariudo's blood continue to run free, as all was right with the world.

_Is God really still in heaven? All…is right…with this hell…with…this…world…Oh…Asuka…_

He whispered to himself, Asuka now sleeping peacefully on his warm chest.

"What is this madness, Rei?"

* * *

Well, that was the end of Chapter Five…This story will probably only have two or three more chapters left, probably only two more…It's not some massive epic of insanity like NGE: Madness, my other fic.

As for the next chapter…

Love, Pain, Lust, oh my!


	6. Descent into Fondness

Well, here's the next chapter of Darkness, I've been way too focused on Madness to do anything for this fic or FoD, but I will, and maybe for my other fics too…

Well, let's go:

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

**The Kitchen**

Shinji Ikari sat in his usual spot by the kitchen table, stiffly sticking a plastic fork into a plate of eggs before him, as a few odd flies hovered above the food.

He peered to his left, letting the eggs drip against his fork, his eyes darting to a great crimson stain on the carpet, and then lines across it that seemed to indicate the moving of a heavy object.

"_Nice one, Sherlock…"_

Directly under his chin was a shock of red hair, soft against his pubescent stubble, on his lap, Asuka Langley Sohyru lay, precariously sleeping.

He peered down at her, feeling her warm breath against his chest.

He felt odd, felt as though there were feelings surging through his body that he could not describe, but they were soon replaced by a numbness.

_What…What am I supposed to feel…about her?_

Shinji suddenly stiffened.

"_Asuka! Asuka please, I need you, don't leave me Asuka!"_

"Ah…"

"_I'm sorry. I don't know what to feel at times like this..."_

"_I think you should smile..."_

Shinji rubbed his forehead.

"No…No…That's wrong…No…"

Shinji looked up, just in time to see a figure flash in front of him, a young girl with blue hair…and crimson eyes.

"No…No…That…Hmmm…"

"Baka?"

Shinji stiffened, looking straight down into the open eyes of the Second Child.

"Ah-Asuka."

"Talking to yourself, Shinji? That's really not very healthy…"

She stretched against his body and smiled, getting off of him and standing, her red locks falling against her shoulder.

She smiled at Shinji, a warm smile that disarmed his confusion, and actually made him blush, if only for a moment.

_He was on the ground and his face was inches away from Asuka's slumbering countenance, so close that he could almost feel her warm breath on his face._

_Shinji stared at the face and blushed deeply._

_She was like an angel in slumber, even when she was so teary-eyed. _

_He could stare at it for hours, yet he knew it was time to do something, mainly flee as fast as possible before she woke up, or…_

_In a fit of bravery caused by a mix of empathy and hormonal passion, Shinji slowly edged his face closer to the beautiful face in front of him. Each second as he drew close seemed like an eternity._

_But finally their lips touched, and Shinji drank in a light yet satisfying peck on her lips, fully expecting to die when she woke up. But he was in peace now, and would be willing, he told himself, after that._

_Suddenly Asuka moved her face closer, her eyes still closed and clamped her lips onto his, responding in a deep kiss, which sent Shinji in a biological frenzy and almost gave him a stroke as he felt her tongue slashing against his lips and her slow pleased moans. _

Asuka turned around and took a seat, munching contentedly on a plate full of pancakes in front of her, not looking up at the Third Child, who was whispering to himself again.

"That's…that's not me…I…never…"

_Shinji sobbed, taking the piece of paper and laying it against the door leading to Asuka's room._

_He then opened the door to the deck, took one look back, and leapt into oblivion._

_Asuka yawned, slowly opening her door and looking at the piece of paper, reading it curiously._

"_She is fake, oh, tis true._

_To think that a siren's tongue doth lash with both love and scorn_

_To think that I would consume that witch's brew._

_Oh she is truly beautiful, dangerously so._

_It makes me clench my fists and bemoan that cruel whore_

_Pale alabaster lips, a cold statue's kiss._

_Oh god, I hate her so._

_She is not worth a grain of dust, but neither am I._

_To yearn that we could love in misery_

_Adore in filth, oh that would be true._

_That would deliver me from hell to the church's pew._

_-I love you, Asuka. Goodbye."_

_Asuka's eyes shot open wide and she dashed through the hall, turning just in time to see Shinji Ikari step off the railing and hurtle down to the concrete below._

"_Noooo! SHINJI!"_

Shinji shook his head, peering at the stale eggs in front of him as Asuka continued to eat.

"That…that is not me…I do not understand…Rei."

* * *

_Shinji shook his head, peering outside the train window as landscape hurtled by, too quickly for him to see, just a blur._

_In front of him stood Rei Ayanami, and she seemed to have a slight smile dancing across her face._

_This disturbed Shinji beyond belief._

"_You! Stop it! That has nothing to do with me, you know that! No one cares about me!"_

_Misato stood beside Rei, suddenly, speaking in a calm tone._

"_You always made yourself seem less than you really are, Shinji."_

"_I have nothing!"_

_Misato smiled, a drop of blood flying from her lip to the floor below as she continued speaking._

"_And you try to think yourself valueless, thinking that, by doing nothing, you would not be hurt."_

_Shinji shook his head._

"_Nobody accepts me…"_

"_That is only in your mind…Your mind is tiring, Shinji."_

"_So, I have to pilot Eva, again…"_

"_You've been trying to think yourself worthless since the very beginning."_

_The blood coming from Misato's mouth now was a stream pouring out onto the floor, but Misato did not flinch, Shinji sat, shivering, his hands on his ears._

"_I had to do that…I have to do this…I…am nothing…"_

_Toji appeared suddenly beside Misato, so three figures were now forming a semi-circle around the Third Child, and spoke. As Toji spoke, Shinji noticed that he was missing an arm and a leg, bloody stumps left where the limbs would usually be, but was standing on his one leg as if there was absolutely nothing amiss._

"_No, that's not so, Shinji, you're trying to think like that, but you're wrong!"._

"_I am worthless. I have nothing to be proud of."_

"_So you pilot Eva?"_

"_Piloting Eva lets me be myself."_

_Shinji could suddenly hear Asuka's voice echoing in the train, repeating his words._

"_Piloting Eva lets me be myself."_

_Shinji nodded._

"_Before piloting Eva, I had nothing. I am here because I pilot Eva, I have nothing else."_

_Asuka's disembodied voice echoed Shinji's words once more, sending a shiver up his spine._

"_I have nothing else."_

_Shinji clenched his fists, sweat dripping from his brow, and stood, staring at the three figures in front of him, furiously_

"_I have nothing!. Nothing! The value to live! Hah! No, I don't have it…I hate myself…I hate myself…Thus…"_

_The figures disappeared, and Shinji could hear Asuka's voice._

"_I hate you! I hate you! You think you can ever understand me! You weakling!"_

_And then Toji's casual voice._

"_I hate you…You injured my sister, and made me a cripple!"_

_Then Kensuke's voice._

"_I hate everything about you!"_

_Then Hikari's voice._

"_Sorry, but I hate you."_

_Then Ritsuko's voice._

"_I hate you, I hate all the Ikari!"_

_Then Misato's voice._

"_I hate you!"_

_Shinji stiffened and screamed, and then shuddered as he felt thousands and thousands of voices cry their hatred of him, the anguished voices of humanity were truly speaking at that moment._

_Shinji's knees buckled, but he nodded to himself, as if content._

"_Now…everybody hates me. Everyone hates me…"_

_Rei suddenly appeared seated beside Shinji, her face listless._

"_That is only in your mind, Ikari."_

"_No! I hate myself! I hate myself!"_

"_You only think others hate you, you want them to hate you."_

"_No…I realize now, even when I was in the Eva…Then, people praised me, but I was not happy, they hated me…They always did."_

"_What is your true heart?"_

"_I don't know…none of them…both of them…"_

"_So you pilot Eva?"_

"_I have nothing…I…am nothing."_

"_Shinji."_

_Shinji's eyes darted towards Rei, surprised that she had spoken his first name, but then his eyes widened as he realized it was Asuka's voice._

_

* * *

_  
**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

**Shinji's Room**

"Shinji! Shinji!"

He felt a firm hand shake his shoulder, and he spun around on his back roughly, his eyes shooting open to behold Asuka Langley Sohyru hovering over him with a concerned look on her face.

"Shinji? Are you alright? I heard you, you were crying?"

Shinji Ikari had not slept for weeks, or so he thought. He could no longer remember.

It seemed impossible; he usually had an average amount of sleep before Third Impact, although the nightmares would interrupt his peace every other day or so. They were horrific, the pain did not dull in time, it simply became comfortable. So when he began to stop having them, odd dreams instead dawning on him, and line between them and what he perceived as reality irrelevant, he seemed quite uncomfortable, and almost felt like he was missing the pain, he had grown to know it, it had become a part of him.

Shinji smiled absentmindedly, a tear streaming from his head, going down his head and into his dark hair, it felt good.

He slowly brought up his hand and caressed Asuka's cheek, causing the Second Child to blush.

"Shinji? Don't get any perverted ideas now, I was just worried because I hear-"

Asuka's voice was cut off as Shinji's lips brushed against her's, the Third Child having lifted himself up to meet her in a warm embrace.

She struggled with her feelings, her old pride returning again, her hate, but an overwhelming feeling of shared warmth and love overwhelmed her, and she submitted, returning the kiss with vigor.

Shinji smiled, remembering the night before when he had imagined Asuka like some succubi, and he remembered the faint red eyes of…that girl.

But he brushed them out of his mind with a thought, as he felt a warm hand tug at his shirt, pulling it off his body as he continued to kiss Asuka's face, down into her neck, and then lower and lower.

Shinji smiled, half-nude as he looked down upon Asuka's loving face, ready to accept the consummation of their emotions. They would soon be one, physically, but he realized now, this act would be more of an afterthought. They had always been connected, by a thin red, invisible line, that linked both of them, through their shared history of misery. And now, neither of them wanted to be alone.

"_I have something…as long as she is here…I realize that now…All you need is love…Love is all you need."_

_

* * *

_

Hope you're not minding the insanity, WAFF, random flashbacks, and weird surrealism…One more chapter left to go and this'll be the first Evangelion fanfic I'll ever have finished! (Since NGE: Madness is going to be like a bazillion chapters…) The last episode will be coming soon! Get ready!


	7. Ascension

Well, now we find ourselves in the last chapter of Darkness...I uploaded it, but had to mess with it a bit, and then upload it again.  


I hope you've enjoyed the ride, through its great moments, mediocrity, insanity, whatever.

I've certainly enjoyed writing it, and although it isn't my greatest writing, or my favorite, it was nice.

Well, let's begin.

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

Shinji Ikari smiled, yawning, completely naked as the morning sun wafted in, heating his body.

But he was at peace, finally, smiling as he grasped a soft hand.

Yes, they had made love, it had been a wonderful thing, a meeting of souls, and quite interesting as well.

He would love her for the rest of his life, and she would love him as well.

Her beautiful eyes, her flowing red skin, her soft voice, her cold, white skin.

Shinji's eyes widened.

_Cold_, white skin?

He turned around, and peered to his left.

He stared for a few minutes, his face listless, and then he screamed.

No, it was no scream, it was some sort of odd noise, indescribable, as if his soul itself or inner-beast was somehow in agony, it was certainly, most certainly, far from human.

Clasped around his warm hand was a cold, disembodied white hand, _her _hand.

"Asuka?"

_Shinji stiffened, he did not mind most things, but that label, that rank, those memories, he could not bear it._

_He spoke softly with a hint of pure aggression, turning to face the wall._

"_Asuka…breakfast is ready…"_

_He had found a nice amount of bread and a few jars of honey a few days ago, and that had proved sufficient for all their major meal needs. _

_Shinji stiffened and peered at a pale, disembodied hand on the table._

"_Don't…call…me that…"_

_Shinji stood in the kitchen, alone, staring ahead listlessly for a few seconds, and then nodding, slamming his hand on the table, turning to put on his jacket, and speaking in a cold voice._

"_I'm leaving to get supplies…Second Child."_

"Asuka?"

_Shinji lifted the plate he had made for Asuka and slowly strolled over to her door, leaving it there, and pressed his ear against her door. He could hear her vaguely snoring, and didn't want to bother her or incur more of her wrath, so he stood and walked back towards the kitchen._

_Kariudo meanwhile had exited from the bathroom, fully dressed with a damp towel atop his head._

"_Hrmm, what's the third plate on the ground for Shinji? Do we have a third person here? I mean, I'm sure privacy is important, but when we're the only people left on earth, I'd like to know if there are others."_

"Asuka!"

_Shinji Ikari smiled, lifting up a bottle of soda towards the air, smiling at nothing, his eyes focused on a spot in the wall._

"_Here you go Asuka."_

_He dropped the bottle, and it fell to the floor with a crash._

"Asuka...Asuka?"

_Shinji smiled, lying against the couch._

"_Shinji…I hate you Shinji…I hate you Third Child…I love you Asuka…Asuka…"_

"Asuka?"

_Shinji groaned, the noose tight around his neck, his feet swaying as a cracked whisper left his dying lips._

_"As…Asuka….thank you…"_

_He closed his eyes, waiting for salvation, but all he heard was a sharp noise as the rope broke and sent him hurtling towards the carpet below. _

"Asuka!"

_Shinji looked grim as he twisted the knife into Kariudo's chest, a sigh of satisfaction rushing across his body as Kariudo's eyes bulged out, blood pouring from his wound._

"_I have to do this…or she'll go away…she'll go away again…"_

"Asuka! No! No! No! I'm…not…crazy…That's…no…"

Shinji stumbled backwards, his eyes bulging out, his body racked with tearless sobs, his entire essence shivering, a lock at the back of his head felt unlocked, he could imagine a thousand shards of shattered glass in his mind.

He was clear, but destroyed.

The illusion had been his salvation.

* * *

Shinji stumbled, his mind blank, his body moving stiffly, robotically, as he fell onto his hands and knees in front of his bed, fishing around under his pillow until he felt cold steel against his hand. His hand had once been warm, but now it was freezing, like the metal. 

He pulled the revolver out, staring at it curiously, cocking it back, not checking if it was loaded.

He sat there, on his knees for what could've been hours, or even days, it was hard to tell, and quite irrelevant, in fact.

And finally, his entire body came to a final consensus.

His hand lifted up the revolver, his mouth opened wide, and the revolver barrel was placed into his welcoming mouth.

Shinji closed his eyes, but quickly opened them again at the sound of Misato's voice.

She was there, in front of him, as if nothing had happened.

"What would that accomplish? Don't be crazy, Shinji!"

Shinji's eyes opened wide as he saw himself appear in front of him, clad in the familiar plug suit, fists clenched, chanting.

"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away."

He heard Rei's voice, as she appeared beside the Third Child.

"You cannot run away, Shinji, it would not be wise."

And suddenly, a thousand voices flooded into Shinji's ears, familiar, Asuka, Toji, his father, his mother, himself, Rei, Kawuro…and ones that he could not recognize, or did not want to.

"The one who takes care of you, and the one who understands you, is nobody but yourself."

"So, take care of yourself."

"You are unstable."

"You are still unstable."

"The present you."

"The people around the present you, the environment that surrounds the present you."

"None of them last forever."

"Your time is always flowing."

"You are made of the changing world. You are the thing that may change according to your own mind."

"So do not surrender to death."

"Do not run away."

"You mustn't run away"

"You coward!"

"Live on, you can live on!"

Shinji seemed to ignore the cacophony of voices, his finger tensed against the trigger, his eyes clenched shut.

But suddenly, there was silence, and he opened his eyes, the cold taste of the revolver still against his tongue.

In front of him, only two figures remained, their faces similar, both of their gazes sending pangs of unimaginable misery into Shinji's soul.

Rei Ayanami and Yui Ikari.

Complements, incomplete, love, mother, soul, clone, smile, red, hate, father, care, breast, warmth, comfortable, hand, pale, delicate, soft, lust, completion, misery, emptiness, alone.

Thousands of words slammed into Shinji's mind as he gazed at the two females.

Yui spoke first, smiling consolingly.

"My Shinji, my love…As long as the Sun, the Moon and the Earth exist, everything will be all right, you will be fine, and humanity shall live on."

A slight smile, almost indiscernible, but sublime, danced across Rei's face as well, and her crimson eyes hinted of a deep, hidden warmness as she spoke

"The dream is everlasting, Shinji. Reality and your dreamworld need not conflict, as long as there is love in your heart, even for a dream, everything will be alright."

Shinji removed the revolver from his mouth, and stood, facing his mother, and the pale pilot who he loved.

Both Yui and Rei's faces seemed to soften as Shinji removed the revolver, satisfied perhaps in the diffusion of such a tense situation.

But then…Shinji grinned.

An odd grin, no, they would have been happy if it had been an expression of happiness, but no, this was no expression of joy or love, it was an empty grin for an empty soul.

And then, finally, Shinji Ikari spoke.

"The dream is over now, I'm out of the rabbit hole, Rei."

Rei and Yui both strode forward, concern evident on Ikari's face, while it was only hinted at in Rei's crimson eyes.

"My eyes, are open now."

"Shinji!"

Shinji took the revolver, placed the barrel into his mouth, and pulled the trigger.

A flash of light, and then…darkness.

"_Shinji! Shinji!"_

_

* * *

_

"Shinji! Shinji, you idiot, wake up!"

Shinji Ikari stirred, smiling as he saw Asuka Langley Sohryu's grumpy face hovering over him. She was his childhood friend, temperamental, but beautiful, lovely, but sometimes a giant pain in the ass.

"Wake up, you idiot!"

Shinji yawned.

"Oh, Asuka, is that you?"

"Is that all you can say to me! I come here every morning and wake you up early so you won't be late for school and that's all you can give me? You better start apologizing quickly, you idiot!"

"Ah…I mean, thanks, let me sleep a bit more."

"What do you mean, sleep more, you idi-Wait, are those bags under your eyes? Not get enough sleep eh? Probably thinking up perverted dreams, eh!"

Shinji squirmed uncomfortably.

In fact, he had been dreaming, a horrible dream, a confusing dream. Asuka, and his parents, and Toji, Kensuke, heck, even his homeroom teacher Mrs. Ryouji had been in it! It had truly been a nightmare, giant robots, misery, and an odd little penguin.

Asuka tugged at his blanket.

"Wake up you lazy idiot! What are you-"

Her eyes bulged out as she pulled down the blanket, revealing a little surprise below Shinji's waist.

"Ewww! You pervert! You pervert, unbelievable!"

Shinji yawned, chuckling.

"Come on, it's morning, I can't help it!"

"Hurry up and change your clothes, dammit!"

Asuka pulled the groggy Shinji around the house, as he changed and brushed his teeth at a lightning pace, while Gendo Ikari reclined in his seat, reading the newspaper, his wife, Yui Ikari chatting to him while she washed the dishes.

"Ow! Ow! Asuka, don't be such a pain in the ass!"

"What was that!"

"Uh…sorry? Oww!"

Asuka dragged Shinji out the door by his ear, smiling warmly at Yui and waving.

"Bye Mrs. Ikari!"

"Bye Asuka, honey!"

They broke into a dash once they had left Shinji's house, already quite late, speaking to each other as they ran, their breath coming out quickly.

"Hmm, I heard we had a new student in class!"

"Well, duh! This city's going to be the new capitol city now, so the population is really increasing, people are moving in!"

"Right, right…I wonder what she's like though…Hopefully cute…"

The last part was whispered, but Asuka seemed to pick it up anyway.

"Idiot! Hmph!"

"Hey, I can't help it, I-"

Shinji was cut off as he slammed into something soft and fell over on his behind.

Sprawled in front of him was a young girl with blue hair and pale skin, obviously having collided with him after running in a hurry.

She spoke quickly, her voice loud, almost faintly obnoxious.

"Ow, ow! Sorry, I was in a hurry!"

A few things registered in his mind

_Familiar…She seems…familiar…I don't know where I've seen her…but…Panties!_

She blushed and crossed her legs, then lifted herself up and dashed away, leaving Shinji on his behind and Asuka with a raised eyebrow as she offered Ikari a hand.

"Hmm, wonder what her problem was?"

* * *

Toji grinned, mischievously as he sat in the seat beside Shinji, in their school homeroom. 

"Really! Then you see it? I mean the girl's panties."

"I didn't mean to look, but, only a little..."

"Woah! What a lucky boy you are so early in the morning…Ouch! What are you doing?"

The freckled face of the class representative, Hikari, appeared behind Toji.

"Suzuhara, don't say such stupid things! Here, replace the water in the vase. You're on duty this week."

Toji sighed.

"What an annoying chick…"

"What did you say!"

Shinji sighed as Toji yelped, Hikari dragging him away, and turn casually to Kensuke.

"Toji is gonna be whipped, man, I guarantee it."

"Look who's talking!"

Shinji turned at Asuka's voice.

"Hey! How come you're saying I'll be whipped?"

"Well, just telling the truth, you idiot!"

"Wha? Why?"

"You are what you are, and you're whipped!"

"Hey! Asuka, you're always talking!"

Kensuke sighed as Asuka and Shinji began their daily tirade but it was interrupted but Toji's voice.

"Misato-sensei is coming!"

All the boys in the class ran to the windows and peered down as Misato Ryouji, their homeroom teacher, a laidback buxom woman, strolled out of her car, winking at them above.

"Woah! Misato-sensei is great…"

Asuka and Hikari turned their heads, speaking in unison.

"Those idiots!"

Hikari brought order to the class as Misato stepped through, however.

"Stand up. Bow. Sit down."

Misato smiled, leaning against her desk casually.

"Hey boys! Get ready! Today, I introduce the transferee everybody is talking about.

A blue-haired girl in a short skirt strolled into the class and stopped in front of Misato, smiling at the class.

"Hi, I'm Rei Ayanami, nice to meet you!"

Shinji's eyes bulged out.

"Wha!"

Rei turned at the noise and then pointed her finger at him accusingly.

"You! You're that stupid guy that peeped at my panties this morning!"

Asuka stood, shaking her head angrily.

"Hey you! What's the idea, saying that to Shinji, you're the one that showed him your panties anyway, you floozy!"

"You shit, why are you covering for that guy? Does that mean you two are a couple?"

"Childhood friend, you bitch!"

Hikari groaned, trying to calm the class.

"Stop! It's time for school. Be quiet!"

Misato raised an eyebrow, smiling as the class argued and laughed.

"Well, at least we're having fun, it's getting interesting too, please do go on!"

Shinji stood up, quickly.

"Hey, Asuka's not my girlfriend, no way I'd be with a chick like her!"

Asuka turned to Shinji angrily.

"Hey, what's the idea you whipped pervert!"

She shoved him towards the ground as the class erupted into laughter, and his eyes bulged out as his skull crashed against the metal leg of a school desk.

A flash of light, and then…darkness.

* * *

Shinji scratched the back of his head and lifted himself up from a cold white floor, a dull receding pain now but a memory in his head. 

He clenched his fists.

"I've got it. This is also a world. A possibility within me. The me at the moment is not always the me as I am. There are many of myself. Yes. There must be a me who is not an Eva pilot!"

Misato smiled, appearing in front of him.

"Considering that, the real world itself isn't so bad."

"Yeah…The real world might not always be bad. But, I hate myself!"

Makoto appeared behind Shinji, speaking.

"It's your mind that conceives that the reality is bad and hateful."

Shigeru appeared to Shinji's right, continuing.

"The mind which confuses Reality with the Truth, Reality with the Dream."

Maya appeared in front of Shinji, smiling.

"The point of view, the position. Only a little change to these could change you a lot!"

Kaji appeared beside Misato, nodding.

"There are as many truths as there are people."

Kensuke appeared in front of Shinji now.

"But there's only one truth that you have, which is formed from your narrow view of the world, It is revised information to protect yourself, the twisted truth."

Toji then appeared beside his old friend.

"Oh, yes. the view of the world that one can have is quite small, the line between the Dream and your Reality isn't too important."

Hikari now appeared, the class representative beside her school crush.

"Yes, you measure things only by your own small view."

Asuka now appeared, her blue eyes soft and familiar.

"One sees things with the truth, given to them by others."

Misato continued.

"Happy on a sunny day, gloomy on a rainy day. If you're taught that, you always think so. But, you can enjoy rainy days."

Fuyutsuki now appeared, his face grim and wary.

"Through different ways of perception, the truth can change into very different things; that shows how weak and meaningless the truth can be."

Kaji nodded.

"The truth within a person is such a weak thing that people wish to know deeper truths."

Gendo Ikari now appeared in front of Shinji, no longer sending a chill up his spine, it was different now as the former Commander of NERV spoke, almost warmly.

"You for example are not used to being liked."

Shinji stiffened, looking at the figures around him.

"But, don't you hate me!"

Asuka smiled, stepping forward.

"You idiot! It's only you who is always trying to believe that."

"But…I hate myself."

Rei shook her head, stepping closer to Shinji, side by side Asuka.

"Those who hate themselves cannot love or trust others."

Shinji clenched his fists.

"I am wicked, cowardly, weak and-"

Misato interrupted, stepping forward beside Asuka and Shinji, her voice kind and warm.

"If you truly know yourself and love yourself, you can learn to be kind to others."

Shinji's eyes widened, as he let his fists open, suddenly feeling a great lightness and clearness pervading his body.

"I hate myself…But, I might be able to love myself. I might be able to stay here…I am nothing, I have nothing, but I am I! I wish to be I! I want to stay here! I can stay here! I can learn to love!"

He smiled as he heard a great thunderous applause, and turned to a great crowd of people, some familiar, some unrecognizable, indeed perhaps all the voices of humanity, all saying one thing.

"CONGRATULATIONS!"

Shinji smiled, finally standing up from his prone position.

"Thank you! Thank you, my father…Goodbye, my mother…I love you, Asuka."

* * *

**The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan**

**Misato Katsuragi's Apartment**

The apartment was silent, and indeed the entire city of Tokyo 3 was dismally silent, the dark legacies of humanity looming over the red sea of life, metal wombs now uninhabited, a great, destroyed city without a point, without anyone to reside within it.

Shinji Ikari, age 15, lay on the apartment carpet as it absorbed the growing flow of blood from the great gaping hole in his skull, a revolver in his left hand as his right hand clenched and unclenched slowly.

He opened his eyes, blood dripping from his cerulean pupils like so many worthless tears as his eyes dilated.

He opened his mouth, curling it into a smile, even as blood flowed from it and from his crushed skull.

"Rei… Everything is clearer now…Life is just a dream you know…That's never ending."

He closed his eyes shut, his body shaking in its death throes, his voice now a whisper.

"I-I'm ascending…"

A flash of light, and then, finally, true freedom in eternal darkness.

* * *

"_Can I dream alone?"_

"_That would not be a dream. It would just be a projection of reality."_

"_Then... where is my dream?"_

"_That is the extension of reality."_

"_My... where is my reality?"_

"_That is at the end of the dream."_

_

* * *

_

Yeah, that's it, hope you enjoyed it…I enjoyed this chapter a lot…

I did take a little from Fight Club and Cowboy Bebop, see if you guys can find the little crossover I had of them, and remember, I don't own either, of course.  


Well, seeya for now, go check out my other fanfics, Neon Genesis Evangelion: Madness, The Fate of Destruction, and the random others I have to update.

See you guys later, this is The Evincar signing off.


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